So since I’ve been gone I feel like I need to catch up. By posting twice within 10 minutes. No, I really don’t have anything better to do right now.  Anyways, the topic at hand is love. True, unconditional, unrequited. Oh, unrequited love. You know, love that isn’t reciprocated. When you really really like or love someone who doesn’t feel the same way. I read that 98% of people will experience this at some point in their lives. It has also been said that this type of love is as painful as that felt when you end an actual relationship. I wonder if it is possible to really be heartbroken over a relationship that never was? I will tell you, I am beginning to think it is possible.

But what is love, really? I still think I have yet to experience it. A few times sure had me fooled, but then I realized it was definitely not love. I think it’s VERY difficult to understand the difference between love and lust, however. Watch out, because that lust will really getcha! Another thing I also wonder is if love is something that you instantly know right away.  I know it is possible to not in the least be interested in someone and then gradually develop feelings. Hence the term “falling in love”. But I guess I always just thought it is something that you just KNOW. Not something that you just eventually do.

I am not sure why I have recently had this on my mind so much. Everyone thinks it’s crazy coming from me, the girl who has always loved being single, free, and anti-relationship.  Maybe I’m just getting older. Maybe it’s something that deep down inside I have really wanted but just pretended not to.

In the words of India Arie….. I am ready for love.

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Konichiwa!!! Wow I have been gone for quite sometime.  I’ve been really busy. I hardly even have time for myself these days. What is on my mind today involves one of my favorite things ever. WORK! (Ok, that’s a total lie. NOT my favorite.) Work now, play later. I hear this all the time, but I’m sure not living life that way.  I think my problem is that I worry that there won’t be any later! So why not now? But that’s my biggest problem. Too much playing. I am incapable of saving $ because I try to have as much fun as I can now. Maybe it’s time for me to get serious and do more work than play. But what if it ends up being for nothing?

If you would have asked years ago what I thought I would be doing today, my answer wouldn’t even come close to my life now.  Sure, times have changed, but are they really for the better? I had no idea at this age that I would still be single,  trying to figure my career out, living with a roommate (who I love dearly btw), and living paycheck to paycheck. Of all the things, I at least expected to have a career. It’s not that I don’t mind it, because I know when my time comes I’ll be ready for it.  I think the part that is most frustrating is the career part. I am still trying to figure myself out. Even after being out of college for 3 years. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find my real passion? Will I ever find a job that doesn’t really feel like a job because I love it so much? Will I ever be able to live on my own comfortably, even after paying all of my gazillion bills? I sure hope the answer to all of these questions is yes. I just hope my patience pays off and that I am doing this in the correct order….

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Upper Hand

Men. I really hate that word. Maybe it’s because I’m jealous I’m not one.  I still can’t seem to understand them.  I chatted with a good friend about men and the game playing that goes on even at this age.  Sometimes I feel like I’m still in college!! It’s amazing how times have changed. You really would think 30 year olds weren’t into all the game playing. But they are.  My friend made some really good points and it is perfect for the situation that me and a few other of my friends are in. She said men know we as women are emotional creatures and they use those feelings to control us, play games, and have the upperhand. They know if we see their emotions, most likely we will do the same to them. If playing with emotions is the only way to keep someone, then that means you are insecure because a real man will keep you with his love, not with all the childish games. 

So sometimes I wonder what is it really!? I think I’m just meeting the wrong guys. Maybe going to the wrong places. But I always seem to like the ones that are not worthy. Then the ones who are amazing you don’t want. It really is true…nice guys finish last! I wonder if this will ever change…

I do believe timing has a lot to do with it, too. Timing and karma. The person that I have developed feelings for now wants to act like a hard ass and nonchalant about everything when awhile ago, I was the one who was blowing him off. (Not in THAT way, get your mind out of the gutter!) So is it karma? Did I miss out on my chances back then when I didn’t care? I just really wish I didn’t care now.

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Biological Clock ticking?

I had a talk with a colleague today about kids.  Yes, someday I do plan to have kids but when that time comes will it be “too late”? People have told me you cannot have kids after the age of 35. I say “watch me!!!” I honestly cannot see myself having children before then.  I really don’t know how people my age are doing it.  With all the bills I have to pay and time I do not have, I just can’t imagine taking care of another life. The person I spoke to today told me 25 is a good age to get started. Well…I’m already a year behind.  It’s crazy how the generations keep changing.  Back in the day I for sure thought I would have my life together by now.  I always thought at 26 you should have a career, a house, a husband, and a kid or two.  By no means do I think you have to have all those things to have your life “together”, but that’s what my definition was about 10 years ago.  You were supposed to meet your significant other in college, bring him home to meet the parents, get engaged, and get married. Now people my age still act like they are in college-going out and getting drunk every weekend.  I sometimes wonder what brought on this change.  I guess having freedom and more choices helps.  But sometimes I feel like it’s really time for me to grow up and get my life together. Time to be more mature and find something other than consuming large amounts of alcohol ‘fun’. But life right now is just too fun to give up. So doing it a little big longer really won’t hurt, will it?

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I love Asians

I love Asians. Plain and simple. I think Asians are the greatest people on earth. And I’m not just saying that because I’m half Asian. You know how when they say everytime a bell rings an angel gets its wings? Well I think everytime I see an Asian an angel gets its wings. I don’t know why, but they really just make me smile.  A friend of mine once said life without Asians would be less funny and there’d be zero technology. I love how they get excited over little things and are so polite.  I mean, look at this video of a typical day of getting on the train in Tokyo…. Is that not hilarious? If that went on here there would be fights everyday. Asians are winning and always will be in my eyes.

So now that I’ve talked about one of the things that I love, I will discuss some of the things I hate. I got a book called “I Hate Everything” from Urban Outfitters yesterday, and it was just short funny sentences of random things the author hates. So here’s just a few of many:  I hate seeing guys with really nice feet, because I hate mine. I hate when you drop a piece of wrapped gum at the bottom of your purse and even though it’s still wrapped, it somehow still has fuzzies and junk on it.  I hate how after you have an inappropriate dream about someone, seeing them in real life is very awkward. (This just happend the other day, but unfortunately the dream was too embarrassing to share). I hate work. I hate being female.

Ok, that’s enough complaining for the day. I better get back to doing what I hate now. 🙂

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Facebook transition

Hello world! More like “Hello Computer” because I doubt anyone ever sees this anyway.  I am totally new to this whole blogging thing. It’s more to replace Facebook, which becomes increasingly annoying to me everytime I log on.  Also, I think some of my statuses may offend some people or give them a perception of me being too immature. Plus I’m tired of all the bragging. I don’t really care that you got new expensive shoes today or that you have the best boyfriend ever.  When did this whole thing become a big competition? Frankly, anything that has to do with relationships makes me feel quite ill. In some ways, I don’t think I’m normal.  Most girls look at wedding pictures in awe, while Iliterally just wanna puke.  I’m a firm believer in Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right. But who knows, my mind may change someday. I think I’m just so set on being independent and having freedom that I don’t ever wanna lose that. And to be honest…I’m selfish. I barely have enough time for myself so how can I have time for anyone else? People who don’t think single people can be happy can be super slapped for all I care. Because I’ve never been happier. You may think otherwise from the tone of this post, but really, I am. 🙂

It’s 2:30 in the afternoon and I haven’t even eaten lunch yet. Talk about work being hazardous to your health.  I was reading a book earlier today called “People who Deserve it: Socially Responsible Reasons to Punch Someone in the Face” and one of them was “Guy who invented work”. I couldn’t agree more!! 

I don’t know if this me journaling rather than blogging… or is there a difference? Either way, it’s fun.


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